Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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