I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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