We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
