Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
