Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Are we still banned from the library?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
