my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
