i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
