He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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