I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
