I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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