You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
