This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
