Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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