apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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