felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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