I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
