She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
