Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
