One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
