Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
