mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
