you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
