it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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