It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
