Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
