I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
