apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
