I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
