got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
