i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
