I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
