I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
