I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
