I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
