This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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