i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
