god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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