We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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