i love accidental penises.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
