that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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