the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
