My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
