i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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