I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
