just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
