"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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