The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
