He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
