Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
