It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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